You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
