I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Let's paint friendship bongs
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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