quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
