god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
