I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Randomize
