I just saw a hot homeless man
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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