you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
