I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
