I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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