Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
