you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
