Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
