I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
