dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
