I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
as a side note pls kill me
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
