That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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