the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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