escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
