you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
