WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
