Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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