either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
