Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
