He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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