we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
