kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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