ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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