I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
