The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
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