people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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