So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
