If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i believe in u and ur pee
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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