I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
