If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
