New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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