I need to stop coming to work sober
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
