guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
