There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
