Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
