I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
