Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
