I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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