There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
