My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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