i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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