Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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