that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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