I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
