If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
