I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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