I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Farmville is her only friend.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
